Nearest planet fitness to me.

 Nearest planet fitness to me.

* But... how am I going to manage workouts in the winter?

I do not want to leave the rest of the country without staying fit and maintaining my current level of fitness.

Something I need to do as a preventive measure for me. * And finally...

I am a huge Earth Day fan.

Especially after the events that took place in March.

I read an article on the blog EarthTime recently.

I was thrilled to read that the president of Disney (of all places!) has taken steps to reduce the company's use of plastic.

I was even more thrilled to read that McDonalds was now going to pay their staff for being environmentally conscious.

It's a start.

But I'm scared.

I can't imagine what the future will bring.

How will we continue to keep the planet healthy if other large corporations take similar steps? * Things change in the blink of an eye.

Things can always be taken back.

If one major corporation decides that plastic is a bad choice, they all think it's a good idea and start using more.

If they don't...

Today marks one month since my life was forever changed.

April 5, 2007: First off, I think that's a gorgeous looking raincloud.

It's really eye - catching to me.

The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw this picture is how much I miss that rain.

Somehow, it makes me feel all better.

Even if it's only for a few moments.

Somehow, it makes things feel "fresh".

You know... fresh for a new start.

As well as "clean", even.

Whatever...

I just think the rain was awesome. And even though I felt a little bitter earlier, I actually feel okay about this new month.

Not completely... but okay.

Not yet.

I still miss him, but not as much.

Not completely.

I suppose it's still a pretty heavy feeling, but I think I'm getting used to it.

You know... taking small steps.

It's strange.

But life goes on.

Today, I finally heard from the kids' dad.

He sent me a text asking if I was in my study when he sent the message (I had changed the settings on my phone so I wouldn't get all the texts... and therefore... get all the voicemails...)... so I wrote back, apologizing and letting him know that I was actually on the bus.

And while I was waiting for it to get to his place, he texted me again.

To let me know that the was going to call me tonight.

I'm not sure why it took him this long to contact me.

But I know why he hasn't spoken to his son since December.

And I know that's his choice.

It wasn't even that long ago when the rules were so much different than they are now.

I'll admit...

I'm still confused.

It wasn't that long ago that I considered moving to another country to be with him, so to me...

I don't understand why he doesn't seem to be making any effort to actually talk to his son.

But that's just my two cents.

So there. * Today, my brother was working his first shift at his new job.

It's been a little stressful for him, I think.

Not getting home until 8: 30.

And waking up at 4: 45 this morning.

It's going to take him a while to adjust to being up that early.

But, like I told him... at least he's working, and even if he's sleeping a lot, it's still an improvement over being out of work.

That's all I can ask for.

Today has been pretty uneventful.

Woke up to... the internet going out on the laptop.

Which was the final straw for me.

So...

I just went to the coffeeshop and posted up for a few hours.

Once the laptop was finally back up and running, I took a few minutes to reflect on my day.

Which was a pretty good one.

One that started off with a three mile walk, and ended up with a long evening with some close friends.

You know what's really strange?

It's still just kind of weird to think that my relationship is over.

All this time that's passed and I still can't quite shake the feeling of...

"It's not really over, is it?"

It's so strange because I still feel like I'm just in that stage of grieving.

Not that I'm so great at it, by any means.

I still have a really difficult time talking about it.

I was talking to someone yesterday, and I started talking about A, and how I was over him, and the tears started welling up in my eyes.

I had to excuse myself.

Which... is even more weird for me.

I'm just really scared of talking about A because I know that I'm going to be crying... so, why bother.

I know it's a stage of grief, and a part of grieving is accepting that you can't change what happened.

I am accepting that.

I know I still haven't really accepted it... but I'm getting there.

It is what it is.

Nearest planet fitness to me is an impressive four minutes - 16 lengths.

There was one moment last night when the rain hit us and I had to dig my feet into the mud to get enough grip to get on the landings.

Kicking up at the last minute was going to add seconds to the race.

So despite the cold wind and low light I was pretty chilled on and off all night.

I didn't have to worry about having a gap, though.

We had a guy behind us trying his best to lap us by staying just up the road, which meant we had to switch off the gas.

On one lap I heard a thunk on the rear wheel and thought the chain had jumped out.

We'd been in contact with him, but he sped on past me when I pulled over to investigate.

Oops.

On the next lap he was right on me and got slightly ahead at the end of the straight, but kept letting me get back by.

He'd looked a bit frustrated when I lost the yellow and blue, but got a bit happier when I told him I was saving my rubber for the last lap, giving me more traction and a better edge.

Then I had a motorbike whizzing past, probably no more than 200m away.

We actually both pulled in with him to try and overtake, but it's hard to change your lines in a race like that when you're all taking each other on, and I was only metres away at the finish line when he blew by.

I'd been considering a final lap attack, to get a gap going into the hill, but there was no way I was going to pull out the reserves for one lap, and the idea ended up being a bit of a non - starter.

I was surprised he was within reach as I was about to cross the line, given his position on the bike and the amount of laps I'd won.

I don't think that rider is going to get anywhere near me at this level, and he's probably still behind me but playing for time.

Or not.

I was a bit scared of him on the last lap, so he won't know who he's got to be more scared of - me or the guy on the pink Cervelo.

The advice I have to offer to anyone riding a Junior event is to not get complacent.

Don't let the draw line get to you and believe you're unbeatable just because you're faster than everyone else.

And don't get carried away by that experience and think you're a hard rider - if you look at the data from other races, you can work out what's going on and address the issues.

Also, the weather was mild for the time of year, and the track conditions weren't ideal.

I went into the race feeling fit and strong but had never raced on the track so I have no idea whether I could have picked up some improvement.

I'm certainly pleased that I didn't get a penalty for running off the track, I just wasn't confident enough to put in a proper ride.

But it has made me look forward to next year's race and to see how I progress then.

I'm probably one of the few British racers out there who's yet to race an hour.

My first attempt was at the Leicester Sportives last August.

I had a fit but the efforts were coming in short distances and quite low effort, so I didn't really notice the clock ticking down as much as I might have liked.

I was certainly ready for it though and it was such a relief to find out I was in at least a semi - respectable position.

Since then, I've been giving myself lots of time to recover so I was definitely ready for the 11. 5 hour distance.

Before this year's event, I'd spent lots of time studying the route and considering different sections to target on the run.

I knew I could attack the fast parts of the run but wasn't quite sure what sort of speeds I could push through the softer sections of the course.

Last year I think I was closer to breaking 3 hours on the run, but given the lower average speeds on this year's event, I decided to go all in and set myself a target of reaching checkpoint two in under 5 hours, to make sure I was going to be able to comfortably make it back to checkpoint one.

I tried to eat a decent amount of solid food to keep my energy levels up and took a glut of Vit B1 to counter the effects of the altitude.

The choice of sportives was definitely a good one for this one - there were some decent climbs, the run out to the first checkpoint was very flat and fast, and the run in to the